Top 10 Unknown "Truths" about Yankee Utility Infielder Cody Ransom

Yankees infielder Cody Ransom has had a rather rough time in the Bronx. At 33 years old, he is far from a prospect, and fans are not willing to watch a player who struggled his entire career try to “figure it out” in New York.

Fans have ridden Ransom hard from the beginning of 2009, and countless jeers, screams, and negative gestures have been delivered in his general direction.

The Yankees Universe community on Twitter has been particularly harsh (yet clever) in coming up with many slogans, rhymes, and even songs to help to healthily release some of the anger and stress that his play generates.

In honor of this Twitter community, I have constructed a Top 10 list of facts a reader may or may not know about the much-maligned Yankee bench player.

Some may shock you, but others will help to explain more clearly the true roots of some of the economy and the world’s biggest issues/mysteries.

Pull up a seat, and let’s get started. Here we go:

10. Eve did not commit Earth's first sin by succumbing to the wishes of Satan and eating the forbidden fruit. Cody Ransom did.

9. After experimenting with chemical warfare, plane hijacking, and suicide bombing...the terrorists created Cody Ransom.

8. Cody Ransom shares his birth date of February 17 with Larry the Cable Guy, Paris Hilton, and Michael Jordan. Jordan later changed the date on his birth certificate after being cut from his high school basketball team, so as to never again be associated with Ransom.

Things have gone swimmingly for Jordan ever since. The two who maintained their connection to Ransom? Not so much.

7. There was always an 8th plague of Revelation, but God tried to keep it quiet until a later date. He would later unleash it in the Bronx in 2008 as Cody Ransom.

6. Scientists have finally discovered the central cause of the Global Warming process. It has stemmed from steam rising out of the ears of Yankee fans across the globe at the mere sight of Cody Ransom.

5. Prior to joining the Yankees in 2008, Cody Ransom was far and above the No. 1 subprime mortgage lender in the United States.

4. On July 30, 2004, Cody Ransom took the day off from playing Giants baseball to attend the release party of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village—which he helped direct.

Ransom left MLB for 2005 and 2006 in order to co-write Shyamalan’s next film Lady in the Water. It’s hard to believe Shyamalan had just created Signs and The Sixth Sense before Ransom’s arrival.

3. "It's the End of the World as We Know It" was written by REM when Cody Ransom became old enough to play Little League baseball.

2. The Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame opened in Springfield, MA on Cody Ransom’s birthday in 1968. As a result, he spent all of his time training himself to jump as high as possible instead of practicing his baseball skills.

2009 Update: Ransom can dunk, but he cannot hit, field, or throw a baseball.

1. In 2002, an episode of South Park presented “psychic” John Edward with the award for “The Biggest [Blockhead] in the Universe.”

Edward later demanded a recount, and a corrected error in the ballot process ensured the passing of the award to its rightful owner: Cody Ransom.

Yankees Go Pole Dancing In Exhibition Opener Against Cubs

After Robinson Cano crushed Yankee Stadium's first home run into the night sky, the bleacher creatures officially received their first souvenir.

The Yankee power surge was far from over, and the paint on each of the newly installed foul poles was about to get tested.

First, Hideki Matsui lifted a high drive to right field that deflected off of the outside half of the pole. The homer temporarily gave New York a 4-3 lead.

It was now Cody Ransom's turn to test a foul pole's durability, this time along the left field line.

Ransom rotated his hips and launched an inside pitch toward the stands. It began to hook toward foul territory, but luckily the pole got in its way.

Following New York's first "pole dance," they led the Chicago Cubs 7-4. I felt the urge to begin tossing dollar bills into the air.

The first official baseball game played across the street was undoubtedly a success. Today's rematch with Chicago should begin to give fans some familiarity with their new home.

Now the Yankees hope to carry the excitement of the stadium's opening into a successful April 6 trip to Baltimore.

C.C. Sabathia does not have to wait long to begin to earn his record-breaking pitching salary.

Cody Ransom: Athletic Freak? Damon and YouTube Say Yes

New York Yankees outfielder Johnny Damon barely hesitated long enough for the reporter's question to be completed before he tossed his answer forward.

When asked to name the most athletic player on the entire Yankee roster, Damon emphatically answered, "Cody Ransom."

After the reporter seemed slightly taken aback by his response, Damon added, "Have you been to YouTube yet?"

Well, I certainly hadn't spent my free time searching for all the available Cody Ransom video footage, and I'm sure many of you haven't as well.

Here is some of the video evidence that Cody Ransom is in fact a freak of nature:

5 Foot Jump Without a Running Start:


4 1/2 Foot Jump:


Ransom is not just jumping five feet high off of one step; he is actually landing on top of a five foot high platform.

With the aid of a running start and the ability to kick his legs out to maximize height, who knows what he is capable of.

Joe Girardi Is Learning from the Tom Coughlin Instruction Manual

Two seasons ago, Tom Coughlin sat in a dark office, wondering what he could possibly do to save his job.

He had ultimately lost his locker room, and the veteran presence was beginning to shut him out.

The implementation of a leadership council, coupled with the brightening of a stern personality only a soldier could love, eventually paved the Giants path to a Superbowl title.

After similarly losing touch with the countless stars in the Yankee dugout, Girardi watched as his team finished six games out of the AL Wildcard race.

Even more concerning were reports of Derek Jeter’s displeasure with the locker room and coaching situation in the Bronx.

Permanently stuck within the league’s strongest division, Girardi knew that cosmic changes were necessary during this past offseason.

While $423.5 million of expenditure seems cosmic enough in itself, it has been the changes Girardi has made with his own attitude that may loom even larger.

Enter Tom Coughlin playing the role of Socrates, and Joe Girardi trying out for the role of his finest pupil Plato.

Actually, with as much talent as is present within the Giants and Yankees locker rooms, it is more so a revised copy of Coaching for Dummies.

Girardi’s job is even more simplistic than Coughlin’s. Coughlin needed to show a team’s core how to win, while Girardi needs to remind his core how to win.

Girardi’s “leadership council” has already been in power for fourteen years. By allowing Jeter, Jorge Posada, Andy Pettitte, and Mariano Rivera to handle their business, the Yankees will be far better off.

This is what Joe Torre always did best. He knew that he had the keys to a Ferrari, and he set it on cruise control. He never belittled his players, nor attempted to fix the unbroken.

Girardi has cancelled practices for team social gatherings, attempting to create a unified dugout. His relaxed demeanor has also been very well received by his players.

Aside from Girardi’s own behavioral changes, the Yankees have brought in an excellent compliment of personalities to the clubhouse.

Nick Swisher has already been dubbed the Yankee jester, making sure there is never stale air in the room.

He also works as hard as anyone on and off the field, showing a normally businesslike roster how to work and play. Damon will finally have a partner in crime.

CC Sabathia and Mark Teixeira are two of the true fun-loving players in the league as well, and will deliver as many smiles and laughs in the dugout as they will victories on the field.

Even AJ Burnett has already made an impact on the Yankee roster. His relentless recruitment of Andy Pettitte during his contract negotiations made him realize how important he could become as one of the final pieces to the puzzle.

The likes of Brett Gardner and Cody Ransom will bring a toughness and gritty intensity from its role players that have been missing since the dynasty years.

The Yankees are a long way from following the Giants road to a championship. However, it appears Girardi has learned some important lessons in dealing with a big market sports franchise.

Hip Cyst to Sideline Alex Rodriguez until May

It all started with hip tightness and discomfort. It appears to have ended with surgery that will cause the Yankees best hitter to miss the first ten weeks of the season.

A-Rod’s nightmare offseason continues, as he can no longer silence his critics with an explosive April home run output.

Baseball provided Rodriguez with his only safe-haven, as all of the chaos surrounding him disappeared once he stepped between the foul lines.

Forced to be without the superstar that the Bronx loves to hate, the Yankees will scurry to acquire some semblance of a replacement.

Mark Teixeira’s tendency to start seasons off slowly will only magnify the problem. The uncertainties surrounding Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui’s health turns the lineup into one enormous question mark.

Buster Olney of ESPN has speculated that Milwaukee’s Bill Hall could represent the kind of contingency plan that Brian Cashman turns to for the next ten weeks.

With all of the outfield depth that the Yankees employ, it seems easy to trade for a stopgap infielder with adequate defensive skills and legitimate power.

One thing is for sure, the New York Yankees will not allow Cody Ransom or Angel Berroa to play every day.

They saw what happened when they tried a similar method after A-Rod’s injury early last season.

The Yankees went 6-11 without him over an extended stretch, and dug a hole that they were never able to climb out of.

This will be the truest test of the effectiveness of the rebuilt Yankee pitching staff. It will be up to them to keep Boston and Tampa Bay within reach until A-Rod’s return.